| 00:00:00 | THE YOUNGEST OF FIVE CHILDREN. |
| 00:00:04 | THERE'S EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS BETWEEN ME AND THE NEXT OLDEST, MY DAD IS A NEW YORK CITY DETECTIVE. |
| 00:00:16 | VERY STRONG, BULLY-TYPE, WASN'T A DRINKER AND I NEVER SAW HIM PHYSICALLY ABUSE MY MOM. |
| 00:00:23 | I SAW THE RESULTS OF IT. |
| 00:00:26 | I HEARD HIM SCREAMING AND YELLING. |
| 00:00:28 | I HEARD HIM IF HE DIDN'T LIKE WHAT SHE PUT ON THE TABLE, THROW IT AGAINST THE WALL AND ONE INCIDENT STUCK WITH ME AS AN 8 OR 9-YEAR-OLD, MY ONE SISTER RAY WHO WAS HOME LIVING WITH MY MOM. |
| 00:00:47 | I SEE THEM COME OUT OF THE KITCHEN, MY MOTHER AND MY SISTER. |
| 00:00:51 | MY SISTER HAS A KITCHEN KNIFE IN HER HAND, IN FRONT OF MY MOM. |
| 00:00:55 | MY DAD IS CADDY CORNER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE IN THE DINING ROOM AND HE'S SAYING PUT THE KNIFE DOWN, PUT THE KNIFE DOWN. |
| 00:01:04 | I'M IN BETWEEN THE TWO. |
| 00:01:07 | AND WITH "PUT THE KNIFE DOWN" AND MY SISTER WOULDN'T DO IT AND HE REACHES INTO THE DOOR AND WAS GOING FOR HIS REVOLVER. |
| 00:01:15 | THE THING I REMEMBER DOING WAS GOING OVER AND TAKING THE KNIFE OUT OF MY SISTER'S HAND AND PUTTING IT ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE AND SAYING, THERE, AND EVERYTHING AFTER THAT IS VERY FUZZY FOR ME. |
| 00:01:26 | BUT THIS STUFF WAS GOING ON IN MY HOME, AND MY DAD USED TO COME HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. |
| 00:01:33 | HE USED TO WORK LATE AND HE HAD FRIENDS THAT WOULD WAKE MY MOM UP TO COOK WHILE THEY PLAYED CARDS UNTIL DAYLIGHT, AND MY MOM WOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 00:01:43 | SHE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT WITH ME. |
| 00:01:45 | I HAD OLDER SIBLINGS WHO USED TO WHISPER SO -- I KNOW IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP ME FROM, YOU KNOW, BEING INVOLVED OR KNOWING ABOUT STUFF. |
| 00:01:58 | MEANWHILE, I THOUGHT BECAUSE THEY WERE WHISPERING THAT I DID SOMETHING WRONG, AND I GREW UP WITH A LOT OF GUILT. |
| 00:02:06 | I NEVER SHARED IT WITH ANYBODY. |
| 00:02:09 | I REALLY DIDN'T TIE THE TWO TOGETHER TOGETHER. |
| 00:02:17 | IT WAS BASICALLY, I WAS A NERVOUS CHILD. |
| 00:02:18 | AFRAID TO GO TO SCHOOL A LOT. |
| 00:02:20 | WHEN I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL I PLAYED HOOKIE A LOT BECAUSE I WAS FEARFUL OF NOT KNOWING MY STUFF AND GETTING PUNISHED FOR IT. |
| 00:02:30 | I JUST HAD VERY LOW SELF-ESTEEM. |
| 00:02:33 | I WAS VERY FORTUNATE. I HAD AN ABILITY TO PLAY BASEBALL. |
| 00:02:35 | I HAD A PLACE TO HIDE OUT AND AS I SAY, WENT THROUGH EVEN MY ADULT LIFE PLAYING BASEBALL KNOWING IF I DIDN'T DO WELL I FELT LIKE I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TEAM LOSING. |
| 00:02:50 | IT WAS WEIRD WHEN YOU GO BACK AND THINK ABOUT IT, BUT THESE ARE THE SCARS THEY TOOK FROM CHILDHOOD INTO MY ADULT LIFE AND WHEN MY WIFEVALWIVALIE, PREGNANT WITH MY DAUGHTER ANDREA AND I HAD GOTTEN THE MANAGING JOB AND ALLIE WAS EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT AND WE WERE IN CINCINNATI AT THE TIME WHICH WAS ALLIE'S HOME. |
| 00:03:22 | SHE SAID WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO SUCCESS WITH ME? |
| 00:03:26 | SHE'S EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT, I'M GOING TO SAY YES TO ANYTHING. |
| 00:03:29 | WE GO TO THIS SELF-HELP SYMPOSIUM WHICH I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING, ABOUT DAY TWO OR THREE I FOUND MYSELF STANDING IN FRONT OF PERFECT STRANGERS CRYING MY EYES OUT, AND I REALIZED I WAS SAYING THINGS THAT I NEVER TALKED ABOUT, AND WITH THEY WENT BACK TO THE HOUSE. |
| 00:03:51 | CALLED MY OLDER SISTERS AND ASKED THEM TO FILL ME IN ON SOME OF THE STUFF THAT I JUST WAS NERVOUS ABOUT AND THEY TOLD ME THINGS LIKE WHEN MY MOM TOLD MY DAD THAT HE WAS PREGNANT WITH ME AND HE THREW HER DOWN THE STEPS. |
| 00:04:09 | HE USED TO HIT HER HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AND SHE WAS FRIGHTENED AND MEANWHILE, SHE NEVER SHARED ANY OF THAT WITH ME, AND IT WASN'T UNTIL 1995 THAT I WAS ABLE TO CONNECT THE DOTS. |
| 00:04:19 | NOT THAT I AM BLAMING THIS, BUT AT LEAST I UNDERSTOOD WHY I HAD THESE FEELINGS INSTEAD OF FEELING SO INFERIOR TO EVERYBODY. |
| 00:04:27 | AND I THINK IT HELPED ME IN MY JOB AS A MANAGER WHERE YOU'RE A LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE TO PLAYERS, |
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